Uncertainty

" i can't believe peter james and john just left everything like that. nets and all. it takes a long time to make those nets and keep them in good working condition. life with jesus was so full of uncertainty. when were they coming home? what would they eat? where would they stay?? what were they going to do?? was it safe?" Written on LovelyLinda's blog August 2007
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i feel these uncertain times; these earth-shattering calls; one side of me is screaming for chaos to be restored to order; the other side of me is trusting and longing to know him more. As satan tries to tear me away from my savior, I see my savior using circumstances to show his face, his glory, even more. I can't say how his glory will shine, but dear God, I am ready to see your son shine!
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any time now, I'm waiting... still waiting... I'll be here, you know where to find me... and still waiting... not feeling safe, want to feel safe... still waiting...

Car Toys

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I forgot about this picture, actually taken before Monterey. Nick got 5 new cars from Gramma! 2 in his left hand, 2 in his right hand, 1 in his mouth! Then he fell asleep 55 seconds after we got into the car!

My True Desire

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My desire, MY DESIRE, is to know you, God. Every minute of every day, to be near you. Help me, dear God, as I stray from that desire daily, hourly, minute-ly!
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Change my heart, oh God, make it ever true! I pray that and I fight that every day.
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If you want me to, I'll walk thru the valley. I've said this to you, Lord, before. But MY FLESH is so weak. I run for the hills and scream, asking "WHY ME?"
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"Let me die here, let me meet you now." But now would be heartache for you, dear Lord, for me, because I have not followed you with my whole heart. I have not loved your people like you have taught me to.
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The desires of my heart are very worldly. I've asked God for brokenness. He never promised that that wouldn't hurt. To be broken... does that mean to have faith? to be let down by the world of love and a world of money? to be brought to my knees because I can't keep up with the demands of the world? To be broken... to be shamed infront of man? to be heart-broken and depressed?
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God, I have brokenness. Although I know that other's pain can be worse than my own, I find no comfort with that knowledge. I can only know what my own heart feels. Although I cry for other's pain, it is a temporary release. My own pain consumes me; my own heart breaks too often to count the pieces.
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Yet, selfishly craving healing, YOU ARE MY DESIRE. Let that be true every day of my life. May that desire be reflected in everything I do so that others may know you also. My true heart, my worldly heart; may that be hidden, forgiven, and forgotten - daily, hourly, minute-ly.
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I write these words so that I may remember my desire and not forget. I write these words in defiance of the evil one; to try to show GOD'S VICTORY! Let not my own desire of health, wealth, power, get in the way of MY TRUE DESIRE: JESUS CHRIST!

Monterey

Nick, Mommy, and a scary giant otter. Nick was not thrilled to get his picture with it, but he laughed like only a mom can get her boy to laugh!

We went to Monterey bay this past weekend. It was good to have passes because we spent about 3 hours each day there, instead of ALL DAY one day. I had fun taking pictures of Nicky with his daddy. We got to touch the stingrays. This brown one kept coming back to me and Nick for more!
Nick loved this computer game that they had in the otter exhibit. We even got to see an otter eat a live mouse. Well, he wasn't so alive by the time the otter got around to munchin'.

We had a fun picnic lunch on Sunday with Rob's sister, too, and were visited by a squrill (sp?) who was not afraid of us at all. Nick and I even got soaked when a HUGE wave came up and splashed us. (that is not me in the pic. Nick is telling some stranger a story!)

Outside of the IMAX theatre, a bagpiper played about a dozen different kinds of bagpipes. Nick loved it, as "Wicked Tinkers" are one of his favorite bands.This old traincar was a shop and Nick loved that he could go inside the train!

This vidoe is why Nick likes the sand and why his mother does not!

Crafty

I've been very crafty lately, as I've said before. I made curtains for Nick's room. They are very busy, but Nick loves them. The pattern is red and yellow race cars with flames. His favorite! The backside is just yellow. And these are some of the bags I've been making. I even figured out how to do a lining of a bag, and pockets. Next is interfacing, to make the bag stiffer.
I'm having soooo much fun. I'm out of fabric and trying to think of things I can do with my scraps. Etsy.com has inspired me to make my own. I don't have a straight enough stitch to sell my bags, and these are not my best either, but maybe someday.

Nick's conversations

Nick has not been napping in the afternoons, therefore has been going to bed way too early. As I was talking to him about the sun being up, I tried to recall his words because they were just too damn cute:

Nick: I'm mad at God. He's not a nice guy.
Mom: Oh, how come?
Nick: He makes the sun set. Does that mean 'go down,' Mommy?
Mom: Yes, Nick, God is in charge of the sun setting.
Nick: Yeah, he's not a nice guy. I don't want the sun to go down. I want it to be day time.
Mom: Well, it's good to have the sun go down because we need to rest, and nighttime is when we rest. God made it so we could have rest time!
Nick: (yelling) I don't want to rest. I'm mad at God for the sun.
Mom: Please don't yell in the car, Nick.
Nick: (whispering) Sorry, Mommy. I'm still mad at God, he's not a nice guy.

It went something like that. It was so funny! I talked about how I'm mad at God sometimes, but not for the sun because that's supposed to happen.

Silly Video

Nick was being very silly this morning, watching froggy videos on youtube.

Arts and Crafts

I made these bags for Nick's cousin so he could sort and organize his toys. I hope he likes them! Nick picked out the fabric and the handle color as well. I made them different sizes on purpose, that was not an accident!

I've also made a beach tote for Nicky and a bag for myself out of the same material; a waist apron for work, gray; in the process of making a fancy tote for my trip to Florida, (work is paying for the trip); cool curtains for Nick's room (just can't find a nice rod); a draw-string back for dice at the Bunco games.

Thank you, God.

Rob and I had a bad day today. Even Nicky couldn't make us laugh. On the way home from the grocery store, Rob looked over and saw the sun setting. We found the highest place in our neighborhood and sat to watch the sun go down. These pictures are from my cell phone, so don't do God justice. The tops of the clouds were glowing gold; the beams of light were individually shining up into the atmosphere. It was spectacular. Thank you, God!

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The pic of Nick is him coloring a picture for a contest. He doesn't know that word yet, but we got out the markers, which was a treat for him!

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(More Nicky-isms: Sufeen = Something)

E-Bay

So, even though I am now addicted to Etsy.com, (thank you, Dia), I am trying my hand at ebay. I am posting one thing at a time. For those of you who know me, that might even be too much. I was excited to see my listing get bids right away, but am disappointed to see it sit at $20. Rob and I need some other income to get out of debt or it's never gonna happen.
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As I try to go off to school again, we are beyond debt-up-to-our-eyeballs. We're way past Rob's 6'2" frame. There is hope, as the car will be paid off in a year and a half. And we are OFFICIALLY a one car family, though Rob is not as excited as I am! (I have the car most of the time.)
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So, check out ebay, look up storm troopers if you like star wars. I have a few tucked away. And an R2D2 also. I'm not telling which posting is mine yet. It will end in less than 4 days from now.
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{and one Nick-ism: Oder dere = over there.}

Lovens

"Mommy!" Nick yells from his bedroom after a great night of going to bed without fussy.
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"Great," my thoughts wonder, "here we go again. I've had a long day at work; Daddy's not home; I don't know if I can handle a long night with Nick." Outloud, I finally say, "What," in the meanest voice I can muster after a hecktic day, (which isn't too hard to come up with.)
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"I meed a hug and a kiss," Nick replies in a matter-of-fact tone.
Frankly, after the day I've had, I could use another hug and a kiss. So, against my better judgement, fearing I'm about to start a new bad habit, I quickly go into Nick's room and grab a kiss and TWO hugs.
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Life is better somehow. I don't NEED Nick to show me love. I don't mind if he doesn't like me or he's mad. When he shows me gentleness, however, it helps me see that even though I loose my temper more than I would like to admit, Nick is still learning gentleness and patience and kindness, and LOVE. For all the times I yell too loudly or don't spend time playing cars, he is still learning to take time to LOVE.

Who does the moon belong to?

Mommy: Who does the moon belong to, Nick?

Nick: God.

Mommy: Who does the sun belong to?

Nick: God

Grammie: Who does Nick belong to?

Nick: (in a silly, salsy voice) Not to God!

We had a little talk about how we all belong to God and God gave us Nick. He thought that was pretty silly since he clearly belongs to Mommy and Daddy. And if you ask him who's boy he is, he will quickly smile and say, "Grammie's!" Then he'll ask for a candy cane.

Throwing Chair

Nick: The floor threw me out of my chair.

Mom: How did you fall off of your chair?

Nick: Because my blue chair spilled me off.

Mom: Oh. ok. Are you ok?

Nick: Yeah, I'm right here.

Jokin' Around

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Nick's new jokes:

Why did Mommy and Nicky cross the road?
Because the animals ate us!

Why did we cross the road with no friends?
Because we saw a big candycane!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the crododile snapped him up!

More Nicky-isms

"I 'nt no" (I don't know)
"wawee, wawee, wawee, ge'your abver-bsere." (Lolly, get your adverbs here)
"Lazy bones!" (mommy's name in the mornings)
"That makes me sad! Don't talk that way to me." (Already in trouble, about to get punished)
"Five more minutes, Mom." (at bedtime or in the pool)

Nick is napping and Rob and I are playing a game called "Magic Pen" on http://www.games.yahoo.com/, trying to master each level, either creatively or with the fewest shapes. It's just another way to waste time and not do chores! Speaking of, I really should get some laundry done before Monday morning, and clean the kitchen, and scrub the tub, and vacuum the living room, and pick up Nick's room, and go over bills, and ..... .... ... .. .